Infant Adoption - Child Psychiatrist's Testimony
Reprinted
from http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/rickaby2.html
with permission of Origins
Inc.
Excerpts
From Dr Geoff Rickarby's Submission
to
the
New South Wales Parliament Standing Committee on Social
Issues Inquiry into Past Adoption Practices
Part
1 | Part 2
| Part 3
Submission
by G.A.Rickarby MB BS FRANZCP Member of the Faculty of
Child Psychiatry RANZCP MANZAP Consultant Psychiatrist
A Comment
upon each of the listed Categories of Damage giving rise
to Distress.
1.
Pathological Grief.
Normal
grief is facilitated when the loss is timely, not of high
ambivalence and where the needs of the bereaved are well enough
met and there is adequate social support available. Even in
major loss there is an early acceptance that the loss is final
and the implications of the loss and the feelings engendered
are eventually bearable, leading to the mourning process,
the going over piece by piece of the nature of the changes
in the bereaved's relating, expectations and orientation to
new directions. Eventually comes some degree of acceptance
when the lost one can be thought of without inhibition and
the bereaved is future oriented. This usually takes about
three to six months.
Note:
Where stages of grief are used, these are not necessarily
progressive; there is reversion or hovering between them,
cyclic traps between them occur, and mourning may be commenced
briefly only to regress and go through earlier phases all
over again.
Pathological
grief refers to distinct and major failure of this process.
After loss of the baby, the first stage of shock, numbness
and disbelief may persist because the mother cannot face the
finality of loss of her baby and the feelings of rage, guilt,
depression that might overwhelm her. The numbness and disbelief
are protective against this emotional second stage of grief.
This may persist for a long time and may be associated with
naive beliefs that the baby will be returned or some `nice'
social worker will appear to help the return.
Many
find the next stage, which they enter after they accept finality
of the loss, produces such anger and despair they revert to
the first stage, and I have seen this see-saw between the
two occur over two or three decades, and associated with decompensation
in Major Depression.
Others
stay in the second stage of major feelings: they cannot accept
the implications of their loss and thus cannot mourn. This
arrest is not understood and people readily become irritated
with them as they return to the issues of their arrested grief.
At The Inquiry there will be many with this type of damage
and their presentations will represent for them the first
attempts to look at implications of their loss in the social
world. Such damage is to be seen in the context that when
a mother loses a child from babyhood to middle age, and the
loss is untimely and has other bad outcome features, the most
stable and mentally healthy person becomes similarly afflicted.
Others
are stuck in the stage of mourning, going back again and again
to the same issues where they cannot get satisfactory answers.
There
are supra-pathological variations of pathological grief, particularly
where grief is totally inhibited and denied, and the grief
goes underground coming out in unconscious release, such as
in over-protection of other children, binding and intrusive
behaviours, irritability, and unexplained depression. The
mechanisms of defence become part of the personality. In particular
a large proportion go over some elements of blocked grief
again and again; sadly the repetitive nature of their talking
about the blocked area of their grief is a measure of their
damage, but to the listener who has long ago understood the
issue from the first telling, it can be tedious or irritating.
It is most productive for the listener to ask themselves internal
questions as to why the block is there, what alternative is
untenable, and how the mother otherwise might develop.
There
is suppressed grief where the person keeps their grief in
secrecy, but fully conscious, distraught, and has their weeping
times when alone, and their breakdowns on anniversaries or
special days.
Pathological
grief is related to other forms of damage because it frequently
decompensates as defences are inadequate and the psychiatric
disorders such as Major Depression, Dysthymia and Panic supervene.
Pathological Grief is almost universal among these mothers
and underlies the other issues of damage discussed below.
2.
Personality damage associated with defences.
The defensive
style: whether it is alert avoidance of anybody who might
take one of their children or otherwise alienate them, or
a shut down avoidance of babies full-stop, and inability to
experience warm attachment to others in case they lose them,
over-protection, rationalisations and continued idealization
of authoritative figures such as nuns and social workers,
the inability to communicate intimate subjects to others,
the inhibition of sexual expression because their loss of
the baby was in the very earliest part of their psycho-sexual
development, or other defensive patterns: these and others
have all become part of their adult personality in a rigid
manner. There are heavy restraints against further development
or a flexible view of their own potential and possible roles.
These people get by, but in a very limited manner because
of their experience of loss. Mostly their defensive positions
will inhibit them from coming forward, but they represent
a large portion of mothers. 3. Personality damage associated
with the isolation of the birth experience and loss of the
baby.
This
is quite a different condition from 2/ above. Here the issues
are guilt, shame and secrecy. These elements become fixed
as part of the personality which arrested in development.
This is also the original mother who puts a veto on her lost
child contacting her. In many cases nobody knows her secret,
but in many cases her husband knows, but not her children.
She is highly frightened and vulnerable about this and in
many cases the children's cousins told them a decade ago,
but they know they must not say they know. She is left with
the cultural bytes she received twenty years ago and the social
attitudes of the time.
Some
of these mothers long for a reunion and when it is approaching
go into a highly disturbed crisis state and sometimes seek
help. Others have made up their mind to live their secret
right through, and, when contacted by their lost child, give
a frightened `go away' message that is devastating and permanently
damaging for the adoptee.
Generally
I help them tell their husband and children, and the improvement
in their general personality and expression of feelings, their
relationship with both adoptee and their own children are
enhanced. A woman with residual damage from `shame and guilt
culture' is in dire need of help, and has a much better outcome
than those people described in 2/ above. However the two states
are not mutually exclusive and The Inquiry will hear about
some people who show features of both types of damage, This
type however respond much better to therapy, encouragement
and support, particularly when their family is fairly well
functioning. Those with and understanding partner tend to
have a very good outcome indeed.
4.
Axis 1 Psychiatric Disorder.
General.
Axis
1 refers to the DSM IV Diagnostic Classification from U.S.A.
and used here in Australia, in which psychiatric diagnoses
are made along 5 axes. It is common for most to have more
than one disorder. This is partly because diagnoses like Major
Depression occur when the other disorder or Pathological Grief
overwhelms them.
4.1
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder.
In this
disorder the trauma of separation or fearful experience of
being emotionally isolated during obstetric trauma is so severe
that this experience is imprinted and intrudes into dreams
and waking experience in an uncontrollable manner. The experience
is so aversive and so reinforced by the repeated intrusion
that the young woman becomes hyperalert and vigilant to anything
where a repetition of the circumstance is possible or is threatened.
Elaborate avoidance behaviours develop and some may by symbolic
or associative. Some of these avoidance behaviours can become
secondary psychiatric conditions such as a phobic avoidance
of hospitals as an aspect of their PTSD, or very deep seated
fears of becoming pregnant again.
The avoidance
of hospitals is very serious, because these women may neglect
their health or be unable to visit a close relative who is
seriously sick. If they have a personality problem as well
such as 2/ and 3/ above their PTSD may become fixed and still
extend decades later. If overwhelmed by PTSD, Major Depression
can be precipitated.
4.2
Major Depression.
This
is the more severe of the two depressive disorders listed
here (Dysthymia is the other) and the criteria require there
to be severe depression most of the day for at least two weeks
at a time.
In mothers
who have lost a baby to adoption such Major episodes frequently
are triggered by the babe's birthday, Christmas, close contact
with children (particularly for the childless), as the decompensation
of factors aggravating Pathological Grief and PTSD, and sadly
and destructively, following the birth of subsequent children.
(I am aware of instances where the same reaction has occurred
with the birth of grandchildren too. ) Major Depression then
takes the form of a malignant Post Partum Depression, and
strangely is often not diagnosed because the mother mostly
does not tell of the association unless she is asked directly.
Bonding failure with the subsequent infant is then a major
problem.
The mothers
subjective experience is one of being overwhelmed by the memories
of her lost baby, the first birth and its circumstances, and
the subsequent time in and out of hospital without her baby.
She is terrified this will happen again, and is pining and
searching in her mind for the lost baby. It is difficult for
her to focus on the real baby. This is so different to the
public myth: `She'll have another baby and will really be
over it then. ' To those who work with these women such public
ignorance is galling, particularly when such phrases represent
the general community attitude.
Suicide
is a sequel of Major Depression and should be the subject
of a research project in studying this group of mothers in
NSW. This should be easy because of the distinct category
of the birth registration. So also should research into their
overall death rate which will give another indication of their
mortality also associated with Item 7/ below.
4.3
Dissociative Disorder.
This
serious disorder takes a number of forms. In essence it occurs
when consciousness is so overwhelmed by shock and unbearable
feeling that there are splits or discontinuity of consciousness.
It is sometimes confused with the serious biological illness
- Schizophrenia, but it is distinct and quiet unrelated. It
is more related to Multiple Personality Disorder, although
the split aspects of consciousness do not have their own identity
as in MPD.
It is
characterised by a total splitting off of the stream of consciousness
associated with the untenable events, and the formation of
a false self who continues every day amnesiac to the events
split off. There is often evidence of a true self co-existent
with the false self who is not amnesiac. The false self is
usually very limited in function, not in touch with emotional
life within the self or in interchanges with others. I have
seen the condition also in parents who have lost a child suddenly
as a result of accident.
One mother
dissociated the events of her pregnancy, labour and puerperium
totally and her family colluded with this. It was only decades
later that a remark of her mother's about the baby precipitated
the beginnings of a breakthrough of her true self and return
of her memories. Another woman lost a month of memory in the
time immediately after giving birth, and many have lost days
or weeks of experience around the time of the baby's birth.
It is found more commonly if you ask about it.
A related
phenomena described is a generalisation of the loss of relationship
with the developing child. When subsequent children came to
them late there was a blocking out of their development from
baby to young adult.
4.4
Panic Disorder.
This
is characterised by sudden onset of bodily symptoms of fear
which is experienced as if an unknown disaster is about to
happen immediately. It may be focused on the rapidly beating
heart, tightness in the throat, difficulty of breathing and
there is an impulse to escape to the most secure circumstances
possible. It is associated with major activity of a basal
brain nucleus and the sympathetic nervous system.
In the
mothers it is related to high levels of stress on anniversary
days or special days such as Mother's day, it occurs during
searching behaviours or when there is the prospect of a reunion.
It is important to note that searching behaviours occur throughout
the time of the child's development, not just near or after
the eighteenth birthday and they are mostly fruitless, or
can end in embarrassing dead-ends. These behaviours are a
usual aspect of Pathological Grief. Panic Disorder is also
related to high levels of feeling which are otherwise bottled
up, and to uncertainty and insecurity about relationships
and the future. There is also a familial tendency to develop
such disorders, and it can be seen in adoptees too.
At other
times the anxiety is focused on the subsequent children, and
sometimes it is precipitated by a bereavement within the greater
family. There is often a strong element of separation anxiety
in the presentation, and as such it will present more as an
agoraphobia where there is a major need to be with a protective
person to prevent it.
4.5
Dysthymia
This
diagnosis is used for depressive symptoms that recur regularly
but which do not meet the criteria for Major Depression. They
occur often as a result of a personality constellation such
as 2/ and 3/ above when there is a sense that defences do
not work as they are supposed to, or that hiding unhappiness
from others only aggravates the overall condition. It is frequent
when there is a chronic fixation in the emotional second stage
of grief - and mourning is difficult or impossible. The chronic
unhappiness of wanting the baby who will never return produces
the outward phenomena of the syndrome, so it is a frequent
accompaniment of Pathological Grief. It is important to note
that many mothers who have made quiet a good adjustment in
relating to their adult `baby' after reunion, still have this
grief for the baby they never held, whose milestones they
never observed.
4.6
Situational Stress Disorder.
This
Axis 1 disorder frequently occurs during the months before
and sometimes during the years after reunion. Its name is
self explanatory and it is characterised by crisis behaviour,
day to day decompensations into depression or anxiety, disorganised
behaviour and labile emotions.
5. Personality
damage associated with Psychiatric Illness as a sequel to
loss of a baby to Adoption.
This
is a group who have had psychiatric illness as set out above
for so long that it has become entrenched in the personality.
6.
Personality Damage associated with long-term Pathological
Grief.
This
occurs when grief is arrested at one phase, denied, or is
characterised by another salient defensive mechanism or, oscillates
between two phases depending on how much grief is tolerable
according to circumstances and support. These grief behaviours
and repeated experiences of feeling become so regular and
fixed that they supervene the previous personality to the
degree that they become permanent personality characteristics.
Some
of these are not adaptive such as irritable preoccupation
with particular people who were instrumental in their baby's
loss, and others are compulsive, such as vicarious care of
those similarly affected. If this is done with some insight
it is more adaptive, but often it is persued by projecting
their own pain onto the others and having a personal set of
solutions which are not necessarily adapted to the needs of
others.
7. Aggravation
and precipitation of a wide variety of physical illnesses
which are related to stress.
(Included
here are those secondary to attempts to cope with grief by
using prescription drugs (particularly benzodiazepines) and
other substances - alcohol and THC, to suppress bad feelings
associated with unresolved grief.)
The common
theme is that severe and protracted grief has been consistently
shown in research to be associated with major poor health
outcome. Many thought this was marginal and would be difficult
to demonstrate. Maddison, when he was working in Boston, showed
it to be of the order of 1000% increase as measured by the
General Health Questionnaire; this was repeated by Raphael
in New South Wales in the early seventies with similar results.
Depression
has also been shown to be similarly correlated and there is
a death rate among the depressed that is of a similar order
to that from heart disease.
There
have been numerous confirmations both of the order and quality
of health deterioration after bereavement and the range of
disorders involved is wide. Cancer has been one that has been
documented, and one principal explanation of that is changes
in the immune system. Illnesses such as asthma, peptic ulcer
and colitis have all been part of public awareness on being
aggravated by stress. This is mediated through stress and
the response of the neurones in the hypothalamus that release
Corticotrophin Releasing Factor to stimulate the pituitary
gland.
There
are more obvious links between unresolvable grief via the
cigarettes, alcohol, benzodiazepines that are used to modify
unbearable feelings and bad health outcomes that are the sequel
of these. Eating disorders and dietary problems are common.
Similarly both the depressed and pathologically grieving are
vulnerable to risk taking behaviours. This includes driving
on the highways and the relationships they will accept. There
are other direct connections such as inappropriate avoidance
of health management and those responsible for it. Again,
research funds are required to study the health of this group.
8.
Disorder and Incapacity in Human Relationships.
It is
important here to consider the direct links between loss of
a baby to adoption and the disorders and incapacity's in relationships.
The first
issue to consider is the significant and often abrupt change
in self-esteem. Many were shocked when they realised they
were to be seen as immoral, unreliable and promiscuous. Some
never saw themselves as a mother even well into pregnancy
only to acquire a new view of themselves and enjoying it after
the baby moved intimately inside them.
But as
the adoption promotion rolled over them, the integral part
of this was their own unfitness to be a mother and their not
deserving to be a mother because of their conceiving outside
of social mores. This process was repetitious, many faceted
and continually reinforced. In the hospital where they gave
birth they were given many messages of being inferior, worthy
of contempt and were readily discounted. In this respect the
nursing profession were major contributors to their damage
in self-esteem.
Many
of these young women were not self-assertive; any self-assertiveness
remaining was targeted as part of the `focus on consent' campaign.
Gone were all the elements of self assertiveness, they were
on their own, dependent, made to feel immoral, and also given
the false view they were in the wrong, with no rights and
legally helpless.
When
they took on the suggestions of their `betters', their lack
of assertiveness was amplified.
Then
there was the issue of Pathological Grief. Relating in an
intimate and trusting manner is difficult indeed when there
is any element of grief overlaying personal development. Preoccupation's
and intrusive themes destroy initiative and the sense of betrayal
by their own family and agency professionals was there at
one level or another. (The young woman with poor self-esteem
and low assertiveness might take decades or forever to drop
her denial and collusion with the beliefs pedalled by the
agency).
Nearly
all of them have a shattered sense of trust. It was their
own families as well as the professionals who left them this
way. They see protecting themselves from such a disintegrating
loss as essential. There was a detachment from others, a distance
or general withdrawal, many could not become close to their
subsequent children as losing them would be catastrophic.
Many of their spouses were aware of the distance, distressed
by it, but found their unease difficult to pin down or express.
So many
were very circumspect about close relationships and becoming
pregnant again - many stayed without partners for a long time
or permanently. In the competitive stakes of assertive mating,
low self-esteem, distrust and poor self-assertiveness are
heavy handicaps: they have to rely on the initiative of a
potential partner and may acquiesce to a relationship in a
quite different manner than they might otherwise have done.
It is
important to say here that those who have high quality partners
who are supportive and privy to the distress from their loss,
fare very much better than those without a caring sounding
board to share their life. Many of these mothers accepted
partners with whom they could not share their experience or
distress, and many accepted men who were exploitive of their
passivity or came from families where gross power imbalance
was everyday and who would use them to perpetuate their own
family expectations of marital relations.
Those
whose grief is arrested where the predominant affect is rage,
and where mourning has not occurred, will inevitably take
out that rage in their close relationships. This may be to
a partner who can absorb it, and the process might be quiet
conscious and open to discussion, but often the rage is not
as conscious, the lost baby often idealised and the subsequent
child will never come up to that idealisation.
Those
with frank psychiatric illness had the inevitable effect of
this disability on relationships. Depression is not easy to
understand when there is a need for a family to function with
leadership by the wife. Withdrawal during grief or depression
has a profoundly destructive effect on the development of
children. Maternal fear and panic is passed on to children
as core insecurity.
When
there is a family secret, children have an intuitive sense
of something mysterious and dangerous behind ordinary family
life. They often then project their own explanation of what
is hidden, and this is usually something born of violence
and jeopardy, depending on their stage of development and
the television they watch. It promotes insecurity and a sense
that attachments may be broken.
I have
discussed above the recrudescence of grief during a subsequent
pregnancy and confinement and the subsequent bonding failure
with the baby. After a while when we found family dysfunction
with a mother being depressed and preoccupied, or overprotective
with anxiety about losing a child, we knew to gently search
for this as a likely antecedent, only to back off if we read
acute distress that it might come out.
There
are some mothers who themselves had pre-existing mental illness,
sometimes constitutional and sometimes as a result of child
abuse. The experience of loss of a child always exacerbated
their condition and the subsequent relationships they formed.
Many of these people were highly confused during the experience
and their behaviour became disorganised to being chaotic.
All the
relating difficulties as a result of their loss add up to
special difficulties when these people come to reunion eighteen
to thirty-five years later. I find that their understanding
of young men in the eighteenth to thirty-five year age group
is clouded by their own experiences, their difficulty in imagining
the stages of development their son has gone through and their
own fantasy life in which he is still a young child.
They
seem to have a much easier time with their daughters if the
latter are mature. However daughters who are immature in matters
of autonomy, sexuality and dependence create almost insurmountable
problems vis a vis becoming empathic with their mother and
also her reciprocating. It is warming to find the girl friends
and young wives of the young adoptees, sometimes creating
a special understanding and accepting of the mother who lost
their partner as a baby.
9.
Educational Failure and poor Employment Status.
While
the Inquiry will hear from some mothers who went back to their
school after their confinement only to be turned away and
rejected, more usual were those who went back to their studies,
but were preoccupied, lacked concentration, could not find
meaning in their studies or have motivation to organise them
to an educational goal. We know they were grieving unsuccessfully
and often depressed. Examinations are difficult under such
circumstances. Single minded study is even more difficult.
Fortunately
there were many more jobs around twenty-five years ago. Most
of them were unskilled, but provided a regular income. There
were thoughts of going back to study and achieve some of the
goals they had before, but this was easier considered then
achieved. It is interesting that in their forties some of
them are able to go back to late secondary and early tertiary
education.
The cultural
myth was, "Having a young baby would destroy their life and
education. Adoption will leave them free to continue it. "
I know a few who got back to their education usually after
some years, but only a tiny minority whose studies were not
set back significantly if not totally.
Some
of the mothers you will hear from are highly intelligent.
Among those who come to the Inquiry they will probably be
over represented. Research conducted on their occupations
and income, and then compared with women of the same age would
answer clearly whether their education and employment prospects
were damaged. If a random sample of relinquishing mothers'
were taken for such research an even greater disadvantage
might be demonstrated.
10.
Failure of Bonding with Subsequent Babies.
This
subject has been introduced earlier in the submission.
In summary
the subsequent pregnancy rekindles the grief and distress
around the loss of the first baby. Post-traumatic stress phenomena,
and the anguish of pining regret and anger often retroflexed
against the self for not being able to fight harder becomes
a major theme. Thoughts and feelings are intrusive and preoccupation
is compulsive.
It is
difficult to see the new baby through all this. It is difficult
to remain with feelings about now, whether it be distress
at feeding problems or joyful pride in the new born
Later
there is anguish at every milestone of the next child as the
sense of missing the lost baby is hard to suppress and conjecture,
often idealised, is continually in mind.
There
is often intolerance of normal development difficulties in
the new baby, sensitivity to others wanting to take him over.
I have on numerous occasions heard of major anxiety in mothers
that their mother or mother-in-law wants their new baby or
even their sister wants them after some brief help while they
are sick. They are not able to use family day care mothers
and often opt for more impersonal and less satisfactory creches
for child minding. If they must use a carer, they are highly
anxious about any attachment of the baby to the carer, and
will suddenly change to the detriment of the baby.
Without
being paranoid in the psychotic sense, they are highly alert
to any complaint that might be made about them to D.O.C.S
or any other authority, and are highly anxious if any Family
Law Court issue might threaten their continuing care. They
have conscious fears and many dreams about losing their child
in various manners.
On the
other hand their blocked feelings of grief come out on their
child who is usually imperfect compared with the child lost
to adoption. Sometimes they are harsh and use emotionally
incontinent checking measurers. Then they become shamed and
guilt ridden at what they have done. It is during these times
they seek help from Child Health services or private doctors,
but in many cases just present the surface of the problem
without telling of the real issues.
Definitive
Action.
Public
Declaration of Significant Findings.
This
needs to be a public account of major and common effects of
past adoption practices, specifically addressing the power
and coercion applied and the helplessness of those who lost
their baby.
A special
version of this should be published and focused at adoptees,
particularly to disabuse them of the myths that the public
have held about their mothers, and indicating the abuse, coercion
and damage their mothers had to bear.
Public
Education about possible and likely long-term effects of loss
of a baby to adoption. This should be focused upon the tens
of thousands of those suffering without protest.
Public
Education about the difficulties faced by adoptive parents
and how little preparation there was for this role or how
little the help available. This should also include issues
of grieving sterility, ongoing and hidden low self-esteem,
and the protracted effects of the insecurity created by raising
another woman's child. There were recurrent problems in dealing
with special difficulties of the adoptive relationship at
each stage of development and subsequent testing behaviour
by the adoptee.
Many
wouldn't recognise that over compliance with adult wishes
was a sign of false self development and personality damage.
But the type of help they were getting was platitudes, untested
cultural myths and did not address their real difficulties.
However, some did well to become a secure family; all the
more congratulations to them to have done this despite the
difficulties.
Any help
to insecure adoptive families to come to terms with these
factors will help a mother with reunion.
More
general public education measures should be spread widely
and use such contacts as popular magazines and inserts in
the daily press.
Remedial
Therapy for Personality Damage and Psychiatric Illness.
There
are a wide range of requirements. Some need to be involved
in groups run by their peers or receive counselling from the
peers who have some professional counselling training. Others
need counselling from professionals who are not associated
with adoption apologists. The financing of this will need
support.
At present
the Victim's counselling service keeps proper control of counselling
requirements for victims including a report to assess the
need for counselling and agreement to finance a counselling
contract. While there is some intrusion into privacy by this
method, it is a responsible way to channel public money to
provide essential help for those to whom it is overdue.
However
for some with life changing trauma, particularly around their
mid to late teen-age years, who have combinations of psychiatric
illness and personality damage, there is a requirement for
weekly psychotherapy by a highly trained psychotherapist over
2 to 5 years. While a few psychiatrists will do this for Medicare
rebate, that is unusual and there is generally a gap. If it
is done by a professional from another discipline it works
out even more expensive. There needs to be some way of subsidising
these people, because they have very little chance of having
the therapy they need without it.
There
is also the requirement to train a wide range of professionals
into the particular aspects of trauma, grief arrest, and circumstances
of personality damage these mothers suffer. I see many of
them who say: "I went to Ms Bloggs, but she had no idea what
had happened to me or what it has done to me." or: "My GP
Dr Doe tried to help me, but he doesn't seem to have any idea
what it would be like to go through that."
Help
with Reunion.
For some
there is a new series of traumas when they try to bring about
reunion. (Also there is huge trauma for adoptees who want
to find their mother, only to be rejected by a shamed woman
with personality damage who is unable to overcome her fear
and the thought of more humiliation for her `mistake'.)
Some
face veto, and we have found from those who overrode the veto,
or those who met by accident, despite the veto, that the veto
is a family issue from the adoptive family, sometimes driven
by frank exercise of adoptive parental power.
Problems
Contingent on the Adoptive Family.
While
there are a minority of secure adoptive families, the vast
majority are highly insecure and have dealt with their insecurity
by establishing family myths, attitudes and requirements that
are inimical to the original mother.
When
you meet or even hear of a secure adoptive family, you will
see a family who have allowed the adoptee to grow up in a
manner that fits his or her own nature and aspirations, control
is not a big issue to them, they lead by example rather than
by establishing concepts about the adoption to create `gratitude',
guilt or identity confusion. They are aware of the adoptee's
need for identity and are supportive about reunion. They are
able to develop a relationship with the mother that is overall
accepting and has an element of open-minded curiosity. I have
known an adoptive family to provide remarkable support for
the family of their adoptee's mother as she was dying and
thereafter.
Such
secure adoptive families are far outweighed in numbers by
each of the other two groups. Both may contain adoptive parents
with personality disorder or psychiatric illness.
In one
of these the adoption has been such a negative experience
or the adoptive family so disintegrated, that the adoptee
has long separated and gone his or her own way in life, sometimes
in trouble, sometimes dead from suicide or drug overdose,
sometimes married early, sometimes working in a far off place.
The other
situation is the insecure adoptive family. They are insecure
about their own lives and how they have weathered the inevitable
crises in bringing up the adoptee, they are insecure about
relating to the adoptee in the future, and they defend their
insecurities by using a palisade of defences usually around
the cultural attitudes of the 1960s many of which are listed
earlier in the submission. There are many binding behaviours:
fostering dependency, undermining confidence and the young
person's sense of capability, and by developing `gratitude'
and guilt. Many wealthy adoptive families blatantly do it
with the check book up their sleeve. The mother who lost her
baby is pictured as rejecting, morally slack and incapable.
Those that do this more openly are often easier for all to
deal with, but there are subtle forms of it that create an
invisible cage around the adoptee.
Those
who do not tell the adoptee at all are a sub-group of the
above, but I have only struck four over the last fifteen years.
People like to talk about this one because it is one small
aspect of adoption information which is well known and many
have previously thought about it. It creates its own special
problems, but in my experience this situation makes up less
than 1% of adoptive families and seems to gather a huge amount
of attention that distracts from the pressing problems of
the other 99 point something percent of people in distress.
But I
will say that the culture has long known this to be a dangerous
situation, and the disaster comes as the cousins or others
tell the adoptee in primary school years and the whole secret
is carried on in a disintegrating charade. I know of one case
where the adoptive parents were successful in hiding the information
for 25 years or so, with highly distressing consequences for
the `relinquishing mother' and giving the adoptee a totally
false facade to her life. I am aware the the Inquiry might
hear about this instance directly.
The mother
must therefore go to reunion with all the load of her own
damage from losing her baby to adoption and cope with whatever
she may meet in the adoptee's damage, and have the most likely
contingency to be a disintegrated or insecure adoptive family.
It is
`a very hard ask'.
The good
outcome factors are supportive friends and family, having
worked through her own personality problems or illness, knowledgable
counselling, some awareness of the needs and stages of development
of young adults, a secure adoptive family, and her own preparedness,
no matter how late, to be a mother to her adult child. However
the difficult meetings that turn out successfully seem to
hinge on the qualities and compassion of the adoptee, and
often their awareness of the similarities in temperament and
style of thought of their biological parent.
To train
counsellors for this role, needs a group of special people
who can be moderately objective, aware of the anguish entailed
and able to negotiate with highly insecure adoptive families.
In the interim time before open adoption/fostering arrangements
become universal, it is important to introduce adoptive children
to their biological parents at a younger age and not wait
until all the myths and prejudices are formed into hard defences.
Latter
Day Apologist Organizations.
I see
women who have been to contact organisations who offer to
assist in reunion where original mothers are trained to approach
the adoptive family and say they just want to be their child's
friend, or "like a sister", that they can never replace their
child's `true parents' in the child's life, and generally
behave in a self-effacing obsequious manner, and only relate
to their adult child in a manner that meets the adoptive family's
approval.
These
organisations often use the term `birth mother' which some
say, "Well, at least they are saying we are some sort of mother.
" But others are humiliated and wounded by this term as it
is a contradistinction implying that they are mother by virtue
of giving birth only. These original mothers say it is an
imposed name and is inherently untruthful--there are no other
terms like this such as `birth brother' or `birth family'.
It is a reminder, they say, of their humiliation and is there
to maintain their diminished status.
Because
of these practices and others, such as creating mixed groups
of adoptive parents, adoptees and original mothers, before
they are ready or the power imbalance addressed, I am highly
sceptical of the apologist agenda and the sophistication,
orientation and training of these organisations.
The process
makes the mothers angry and revives the feelings associated
with their original abuse. In my view such organisations,
some of which are latter day versions of those responsible
for the original abuse, should be disbanded or, at least,
have their funding cut off forthwith.
Those
counselling the mothers after reunion need a clear idea of
the testing behaviour with which adoptees mostly respond.
Some of this is due to their stage of development, but it
is often an aspect of their identity disturbance, and when
this has been insecure they have responded by testing their
adoptive parents to see for security's sake how deep the bond
goes. Unfortunately the adoptee makes a habit of testing behaviour,
and it is difficult to give up. But it is important to know
that in the adoptive situation the person with no idea of
their real roots needs such interpersonal strategies to know
who is close to them and who they might trust.
Anglo-Saxon
Culture and Heredity.
It is
important too, to realise that this is Anglo-Saxon culture.
We tend to forget that Anglo-Saxon culture is noted for its
success for over a thousand years in the successful understanding
of practical genetics; they didn't know what genes were, but
said, "It's in the blood," and whether they knew about genes
or not, they produced the mostly highly productive strains
of horses, dogs, cattle, poultry, pigs, pigeons, grains, fruit-trees,
oak trees, vegetables and berries to name only some, that
are the backbone of the world's agricultural development and
commerce in the Twentieth Century.
In such
a culture it is important to know what is `good blood' and
`bad blood'. How temperament in dogs is a pivotal issue above
colour or face, which animals are resistant to disease, which
ones to weakness or stunting of growth. In whatever manner
such a culture sees the same issues in humans, and however
regrettable some of the ethical issues that arise from such
deeper cultural fantasy, it is still a major issue because,
while horses race at Randwick, footballer's sons repeat their
father's glory, and brothers play in the New South Wales eleven,
it does not leave the centre of the cultural stage.
The adoptive
parents are aware that the genetics are different; this is
some of their insecurity. The child wants to know what his
or her genetics are. It is fascinating to hear of a child
and their biological parent becoming close enough to say to
each other, "And you get that rash just there too." or "I
make jokes like that: I can't seem to help it." or "I can't
eat pineapple either." This may seem trivial but such minor
issues underlie an area of understanding and identity that
the rest of the community take for granted. I can remember
an adoptee where I had been very worried about suicide for
many months, telling me about her meeting with her Great-grandmother.
I doubt that anybody who doesn't know the anguish of being
an adoptee cut off from their roots, would know what an unbelievable
experience meeting a great-grandparent of the same sex would
be.
For the
mother who is afraid to tell her subsequent family, or the
adoptee who defends by conformity to his adoptive family's
requirements, this is a deep-seated issue they have to struggle
against, a denial of a pivotal preoccupation which most of
the community forget. The counsellor must give them the opportunity
to explore this and not suppress their curiosity. However
a cruel situation is the adoptee (usually male) who will go
to a meeting to satisfy his curiosity but will have nothing
else to offer and never contact again.
Accountability.
The identification
of those with pivotal senior leadership roles who administered,
(or de facto administered) The Act of 1965 in major hospitals
and organisations responsible for adoptions, specifically
in the years 1965 to 1974 is necessary. It will be important
for the mothers to see that there is responsibility somewhere
behind an Act of Parliament, even though they were damaged
by numerous people ignoring the Act or riding roughshod over
treasured legal principles.
Those
with Pathological Grief arrested around irresolvable anger
at humiliation, repugnant neglect of their needs and even
smug abuse: they need to have some idea of how it happened
and know the faces of those who organised the taking of their
children. In 1997 I gave the paper: Adoption Grief: Irresolvable
Aspects. The grief is irresolvable for a number of reasons,
but certainly one of them pivots on this issue of accountability.
Without
such identification and while public ignorance then and now
about the abuse committed on them still exists, these woman
live in an Orwellian world where `doublethink' is everyday.
How can they resolve their grief while the public is taken
in by the apologists' myths, rationalisations and excuses.
Sophistry.
From
many quarters and for over twenty-five years, I have heard
from professionals, "It was for their own good." and "They
were relieved when they signed the consent." and "That's what
they really wanted." and "I wasn't involved but I know the
professionals all had good intentions." But the mothers say,
"It was the only thing that would keep them away from us.
It was our only peace and they said we'd have to sign it anyway."
or, "I didn't know there was any way I couldn't." or, "I tried
it for two days and they got worse. I was hoping for somebody
to come and help me keep my baby."
Some
professionals said, "We didn't prescribe the drugs." or "We
didn't think they were drugged." or worse still, "I didn't
take any consents", or various other responses: "They were
free to go at any time they signed themselves out. All the
young women at our institution wanted to give up their babies;
it wasn't like Crown Street." and the usual ones of the genres'
"There weren't any labour wards there. We were only playing
leap-frog", or "I was only obeying orders."
The Inquiry's
collection of these excuses is likely to rapidly outstrip
mine. Nevertheless, considering the massive loss and damage
to tens of thousands of lives in New South Wales and the pain
and distress that is ongoing, now, these excuses can only
be expected to draw more anger and contempt.
Recompense.
Most
of these women want recognition of the coercion and humiliation
they underwent, and public acknowledgment of their helpless
situation and subsequent damage, rather than pecuniary compensation.
Some
see the official birth certificate as an affront, as the only
links for their child are to the adoptive family, and would
like to see acknowledgments of original parents on birth certificates.
They
also want as satisfactory reunion as they can manage.
Many
women who have taken early steps to seek recompense would
have been served well had this Inquiry been instituted some
years ago, as seeking redress would not have been the only
avenue they could have taken to have their grievances heard.
The magnitude of redress required is such that many will continue
to seek it, but others will be helped if such issues as Accountability
and Assistance with Distress are dealt with adequately.
For those
who want redress, The Inquiry will be in a position as a result
of wide knowledge of their circumstances to make known some
of their legal difficulties.
These
are:
To provide
widespread knowledge of why The Statute of Limitations was
virtually impossible for these women to comply with. Many
were so damaged with Pathological Grief, Dissociative Disorder
and Depression that it was the last thing they could think
of. Many others were developing hard shelled defences against
their feelings, and others were retreating under a shell of
secrecy driven by shame and guilt. Few had any sophistication
about the law.
With
this in view, their legal representatives can be given knowledge
of the wide range of illegalities perpetuated on these women.
In most there would be 16 to 29 (or some other number of illegal
acts), some of them under common law, some criminal, such
as Common Assault, some Statutory contempt in the sense that
prescribed procedures and information were not known to the
de facto administrators of The Act or these were ignored,
some issues of breach of duty, and others of breaches of Administrative
Law.
To take
a theme example rather than a specific one; if it is not fair
for a frankly damaged woman to take action about `offence
eleven' because the evidence to rebut her story is dead along
with a potential witness in the concatenation of illegal acts,
what about `offence number six' where Sodium Pentobarbital
has been given to her at 8.30am on the morning she is recorded
as having given consent to adoption and the documents are
there to leave this fact undeniable?
Consideration
should be given for an Act to be introduced to Parliament
to clarify the set of circumstances in which these women were
abused, and to take account of the wide variety of offences
that were committed against them in such a way that the legal
process would be seen to be fair by them and the general public.
Such
an Act could by-pass a lot of lengthy and costly legal process
which hardly any of these women can afford, and even specify,
like the Acts for Workmen's recompense, or motor vehicle accident
recompense, a scale of damages they might receive depending
upon the degree of damage, thereby making the whole process
relatively uncomplicated.
Other
Funds Required.
Legal
aid damage cases with merit.
Publication
funding: wide spread distribution of small publications are
necessary for health professionals and the general public
to understand what happened, and also publications especially
pitched to adoptees.
Travelling
funds for reunions: The baby has grown up in Cairns or Holland
and reunion is unaffordable by either party.
Training
funds: This is for trainers to meet with a younger untainted
non-apologist group of counsellors with specific knowledge
about losing a baby to adoption and carry through systematic
instruction on how these women's needs might be met.
Part
1 | Part 2 | Part
3
Copyright © Dr. G.A.Rickarby. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted with permission of Origins
Inc. NSW
Note: The words "birthmother" or "birthparent"
are derogatory terms utilized by adoption "counselors"
and "facilitators" in order to diminish a mother
into playing a solely reproductive role in her child's life.
The terms "birthmother" and "birthparents"
are used on this site as a consession to search-engine requirements
for a North American audience. The terms "mother",
"single mother", "natural mother," and
"exiled mother" are acknowledged to be accurate,
respectful, and nonderogatory terms. See " by Diane Turski for more
information.
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