Copyright © 1999 Judy Kelly. All rights reserved. This document may be freely redistributed provided that this copyright notice is not removed. It may not be sold for profit or incorporated, in whole or in part, in commercial documents without the written permission of the copyright holder.

Birthmother Research Project
J. Kelly M.A.

Chapter I. INTRODUCTION

During the mid-1960’s, there came together a set of social phenomena that resulted in the relinquishment of unprecedented numbers of infants by birthmothers. This thesis explores the long-term impact of relinquishment on women who lost their children to adoption during the years 1965 and 1972. These years marked the coincidence of two major events: (1) the emergence of a sexual revolution and (2) the entry of baby boomers into adolescent reproductive and sexual maturation. Due to relaxed sexual mores, the illegality of abortions, and the not-yet-widespread use of oral contraception, out-of-wedlock pregnancies among young women soared. The social, political, and religious climate during this period dictated closed adoption as the recommended, and often only, course of action. Both the unwed mother and her "illegitimate" child were stigmatized by society. Pregnant teens were expelled from school and an out-of-wedlock pregnancy could result in dismissal from employment. In many states, unwed mothers and their children were not entitled to receive welfare. Apartment leases, utilities, and credit were not legally available to an unmarried woman under 21 without a co-signer. This was the era prior to Planned Parenthood. Birth control was prescribed to teens for the treatment of physical problems (e.g. dysmenorrhea), rather than for contraception, and then only with parental consent. Although some of the issues surrounding relinquishment found in previous decades may still remain, I believe that the differences between the social climate of the 60’s and later decades are large enough to warrant that birthmothers relinquishing during the years 1965 and 1972 be treated as a cohort group and analyzed as such. This group represents a large segment of the birthmother population whose psychological needs remain invalidated.

There are an estimated 6,000,000 birthmothers in the United States – biological mothers who have surrendered their children to adoption (Jones, 1993). I am one of the 6,000,000 – together with a multitude of sisters, mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, friends, neighbors, and co-workers. We are educators, students, physicians, office clerks, salespersons, lawyers, accountants, tellers, beauticians – from all walks of life, all income levels, all ages. Although we may be standing side-by-side, we are unseen by each other and unseen by society. Traditionally, birthmothers have constituted an invisible, marginalized group of women whose cloak of invisibility was woven by secrets, lies and shame. The Internet, however, has opened a pathway enabling many birthmothers to receive support from and provide support to other birthmothers. Over the Internet lines, birthmothers are liberating themselves from their prisons of silence and have begun to share their stories with other birthmothers. As a member of one online birthmother support group, I became aware of: (1) the marginalized status of birthmothers, (2) the social construction of relinquishment, adoption, and motherhood, and (3) the large-scale discrepancies between the actual experience of relinquishment and what was told would be experienced by parents, clergy, social workers, therapists, physicians, etc. It became increasingly apparent to me that my personal experience of relinquishment was shared by many others. Common themes emerged as we communicated our experiences and feelings to each other: annual rituals performed on the child’s birthday, descriptions of a deep pain in one’s heart and hole in one’s soul, aching arms, the desire to take in the scent of one’s child after reunion, avoidance patterns, intrusive thoughts, histories of post-relinquishment depression, suicide ideation, substance abuse, and abusive relationships, etc. Comments such as "Not one day has passed when I have not thought about her/him. Not one day has passed when I have not ached to hold her/him in my arms once more." appeared repetitively in the postings. Hundreds of previously silenced voices were carried across the Internet daily. Author, bell hooks, in her book Feminist Theory From Margin to Center, writes:

"Women are the group most victimized by sexist oppression. As with other forms of group oppression, sexism is perpetuated by institutional and social structures; by the individuals who dominate, exploit, or oppress; and by the victims themselves who are socialized to behave in ways that make them act in complicity with the status quo" (1984, p. 43).

The thousands of birthmother stories that I have witnessed suggests that birthmothers as a group have been victimized, oppressed, and traumatized by their relinquishment experience. This topic begs us to probe into the marginalization and traumatization of birthmothers. My working definition of marginalization is one of exploitation, social injustice, and inequality. I approached the concept of trauma from both a physical and emotional perspective: (1) a serious injury or shock to the body or (2) an emotional shock causing lasting psychological damage.

The existence of a birthmother syndrome has been proposed by researcher Merry Bloch Jones. Jones has developed the following profile for this syndrome:

1. Signs of unresolved grief, such as lingering denial, anger, or depression

2. Symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder, such as flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, avoidance, or phobic reactions

3. Diminished self-esteem, passivity, abandonment of previous goals, or feelings of powerlessness, worthlessness, and victimization

4. Dual identities, divided into outer pretenses of ‘perfection’ or ‘normalcy’ and secret inner feelings of shame, self-condemnation, and isolation

5. Arrested emotional development, typified by the sense of being ‘stuck’ where they were when they relinquished

6. Self-punishment, often inflicted through participation in abusive relationships, abuse of drugs or alcohol, eating disorders, or other self-destructive behaviors

7. Unexplained secondary infertility

8. Living at, or vacillating between, various extremes" (1993, p. 272)

While observing the narratives posted by birthmothers to the support group, I have identified patterns consistent with this profile. This study was undertaken to better understand the biopsychosocial aspects of the birthmother experience and its long-term effects.

The adoption triad consists of the birthparents, the adoptive parents, and the adoptee. While much has been studied and written about both the adoptive parents and the adoptee, there exists a paucity of research in the area of birthparents. However, there is a rapidly growing body of autobiographical literature authored by birthmothers. This study was designed to complement these narratives both quantitatively and qualitatively. From a biopsychosocial perspective, the birthmother’s experience mandates a multi-contextual examination of historical, socio-cultural, political, biological, and psychological factors. As I assimilated the prevailing thoughts in these areas, compelling questions emerged: Did a birthmother stress syndrome exist? How was the birthmother experience socially constructed? What were the underlying assumptions that defined this experience? How have birthmothers been affected by their marginalized status? What were the larger societal concerns? What was the relationship between the psychological effects of relinquishment and the social consequences? Were there opportunities for social action? And how might the counseling community better serve this population? By conducting this research, I hoped to: (1) contribute to the presently scant body of knowledge concerning the birthmother experience, (2) inform the counseling community of the issues relevant to the counseling of birthmothers, (3) identify areas for future research, and (4) relate the findings to matters of social relevance.

In a discussion of what not to select as a thesis or dissertation topic, Cone and Foster (1993) advise not to select a topic that has strong personal and emotional relevance. They claim that to do so compromises one’s ability to remain detached and objective, introduces biases, and can influence outcomes. They suggest that such topics be undertaken only if objectivity can be maintained. In contrast, in Experience, Research, Social Change: Methods from the Margins, Kirby and McKenna state that:

"Researching from the margins is a continuous process that begins with a concern that is rooted in experience. . . [T]he researcher engages in a process of self-reflection as one of the participants in the process of creating knowledge" (1989, p. 44). Further, "Doing research from the margins challenges the status quo. . . Doing research allows us to begin to rename our experience, and thus participate in creating knowledge we can use" (1989, p. 170). I embrace the latter view. This topic is both personally and emotionally relevant to me. I entered into this research endeavor passionate, eager, and committed to learn. The synchronicity of finding my son within one week of deciding on this thesis topic brought me to a transformational apex in my own healing journey. This transformation permitted the synthesis of objectivity and subjectivity – enabling objective research to be informed by subjective experience. Embedded within this research effort was the desire to provide birthmothers with an opportunity to rename and restory their relinquishment experience.

My review of the literature, which is presented in Chapter II, delved into three major areas: mother-infant attachment theory; the social construction of adoption, relinquishment and motherhood, and trauma theory. My analysis of the literature was largely influenced by a postmodern and social constructionist worldview.

In Chapter III, I present the methodology employed in this study. I utilized a multi-method approach which consisted of both a closed-ended postal survey completed by 79 respondents and a facilitated, small group discussion of the summarized survey results.

Chapter IV contains the summarized findings of the survey and the interpretation of these findings reached by birthmothers who participated in the small group discussion.

In Chapter V, I have attempted to provide an integrated discussion of the study findings within the biopsychosocial framework with emphasis on the clinical treatment of birthmothers, opportunities for social action, and considerations for future research.

As adoptees enter their thirties, identity issues often emerge. Likewise, the entrance into menopause for birthmothers may trigger unresolved conflicts concerning relinquishment and set into motion a course of action to seek resolution. Reunion registries reflect increasing numbers of baby-boomer birthmothers and their relinquished children seeking reunion. In one such registry, 65% of registrants are comprised of birthmothers who gave birth during the years 1965-1972 and/or adoptees born during that same time period (Delaware Reunion Registry, personal communication, December 12, 1998). Consequently, I have engaged in this research with the hope that it will enlighten the counseling community concerning the special needs of this population and provide an imperative for counselors to be sensitive to the assessment of relinquishment traumatization among their birthmother clients.

Verrier, author of The Primal Wound, writes that "many of our beliefs are simply a matter of convenience" (1993, p. 213). Verrier questions whether beliefs we have accepted concerning adoption have been accepted because it is convenient to do so. The beliefs of a dominant culture are generally uninformed by those of voiceless, marginalized groups. Listening to birthmothers’ voices compels one to question the basis upon which many of the assumptions and beliefs surrounding adoption and relinquishment have been formed.

 

Copyright © 1999-2005 Judy Kelly, M.A., C.P.A.C.,
All Rights Reserved. Reprinted with permission of the author

 

Next: Chapter Two: Literature Review

Note: The words "birthmother" or "birthparent" are derogatory terms utilized by adoption "counselors" and "facilitators" in order to diminish a mother into playing a solely reproductive role in her child's life. The terms "birthmother" and "birthparents" are used on this site as a consession to search-engine requirements for a North American audience. The terms "mother", "single mother", "natural mother," and "exiled mother" are acknowledged to be accurate, respectful, and nonderogatory terms. See "Why Birthmother Means Breeder" by Diane Turski for more information.

J. Kelly Birthmother Research Project:

Table of Contents
Dedication
Acknowledgements
Chapter I: Introduction
Chapter II: Literature Review
Chapter III: Methodology
Chapter IV: Results
Chapter V: Discussion
Postscript
Appendices
References
Summarized Survey Results

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