Considering Adoption for Your Baby? You Might Find This Interesting

Adoptive Woman Doesn't Like the Term "Birthmother"

On adoption.com a woman wrote about how she won't call her adopted child's mother his "birthmother". Instead she says she tells the child she adopted about "a woman who gave birth to you".

"In general, I don't like the term 'birthmother.' My oldest child will come to me and ask questions about China, the woman who carried her. It's not a forbidden or closed subject. I don't feel threatened by the women who gave my children life. What I feel is that the term birthmother is over rated." [bolding added for emphasis]

My comment: I don't like the term "birthmother" either - I think it's really rude to refer to anyone's mother as a "birth" mother (aka incubator). But "loving people" who have adopted won't refer to the mother as a mother - not only that, but they seems to think even the dehumanizing term "birthmother" is too respectful. In the view of many adopters, a woman who gives birth is not a mother - not a mother OF ANY KIND. She is an object, an incubator. She is just the packaging the baby comes in, meant to be discarded and forgotten - incinerated if possible. The adopted person better not call her true mother her mother - even if her mother actually DIED and the child is a real orphan, the adoptee must refer to her mother disrespectfully as a birth object ("birthmother") or say she is "just the woman who gave birth to me".

It's not healthy or kind to disrespect someone's mother or father or heritage. In fact, it's insulting a person when you disrespect their parents. Yes, some adoptees also disrespect their true mothers. They may feel they need to do it for survival purposes - to make the adopters happy. They may have been have been told how worthless and evil their mother was - a slut, a whore, a woman who would have killed them if she could have. The adopted person is often angry at their mothers for what they percieve as abandonment.

But reality is reality. When a horse or a dog reproduces, she is the mother of her offspring - not the person who buys ("adopts") the puppy. When a human mother has a baby, she is her child's mother - and that doesn't change just because her baby is purchased by unrelated people. The tragedy is that so many adopted people feel abandoned by their mothers while most of the mothers really wanted their babies - but people told them they would be some kind of a "hero" and pressured them to make their son or daughter "available for adoption".

Marietta

Note: There is a large market for newborn babies for adoption. Adoption "counselors" in North America like to refer to expectant parents as "birthparents" or "birthmothers", while calling the unrelated person hoping to adopt a "parent". The objective of this so-called "respectful adoption language" is to make the acquisition of healthy newborn babies by infertile people seem "normal". The euphemism "adoption" is used to deflect attention from the reality - this is a transfer of human babies from loving (if naive or pressured) relatives to customers.

The misleading, disrespectful terms "birthmother", "birthfather" and "birthparents" are used on this website for search engine purposes only. The terms "mother", "father", "single parent", " family member" and "natural mother" are accurate, respectful, and nonderogatory terms. See "Why Birthmother Means Breeder" by Diane Turski for more information.

Other misleading, dishonest terms include "biological" child, "genetic" sister, "surrogate" mother, egg "donor", or sperm "donor". These terms are used to make human beings appear to be unrelated to their own family members. Why would a "donated" child (or adult adoptee) wish to learn more about - or contact - her "biological" sister or mother? Why would she say after reunion that it "feels like" her "biological sister" (or other relative) is her sister (or other relative)? Because true families are created by nature, not by government edicts or by the adoption or "sale" of babies.

Is your unmarried daughter pregnant? Consider options to help to keep your grandchild:

"Unplanned" Pregnancy Help

Lost a baby to adoption? Learn about the social policies designed to get more babies for adoption and get to know some other moms like yourself:

OriginsUSA: American Adoption and "Unwed" Mothers History